oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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