Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
