FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
