It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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