He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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