Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
