Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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