If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
