I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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