Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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