I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
