i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we have officially lost it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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