I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
