Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
