Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
