I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
