Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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