3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
