Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My dick has a subreddit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
