I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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