It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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