I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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