Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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