i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
