dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
