I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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