Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
