i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
