you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
