FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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