4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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