he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
