I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
