areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just googled if crying burns calories
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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