he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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