so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
