I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
