there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
