I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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