I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
