when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
