I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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