so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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