Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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