I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
