just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
