And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
