she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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