Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
