I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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