I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
