There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
