five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
