I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
