Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
