I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
