i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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