He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
