i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if only i could text you this smell
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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