i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
