I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
