I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
