Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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