No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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