i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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