Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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