we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
